5 Key Ways to Close the Deal on Your Dream Relationship
By Sheryl Mallory-Johnson
Much like today’s housing market, your love life may be in a slump. The one person you desire is already owned and occupied. Those that are available and have potential require too much of an investment to improve. Others are rundown and irreparable. You are exhausted of renting. You want to “buy” into a dream relationship, but where do you start?
As with a home, most of us desire a dream relationship that we can settle into, enjoy and call our own. Few of us want to reside in an empty, lonely space when there is room for something more fulfilling.
Don’t you think that it is time for your dream relationship? For one, you don’t have to pack up every six months to a year when someone else takes ownership. Two, it is a worthwhile investment that yields great returns.
Here are 5 key ways to close the deal on your dream relationship:
1. Know When to Buy
Buying your dream home when you’re not financially sound is the worse time to buy, as with entering a relationship when you’re emotionally depleted and afraid to take risks. Call it on the rebound, insecure, lonely, or needy, but you are not ready for your dream relationship.
Many of us want to buy into a relationship when we are not up for the task of making an emotional investment, which requires commitment, dedication, patience and sacrifice. Even relationships that are move-in ready with loads of upgrades require sustaining.
If you are not emotionally ready for your dream relationship, chances are you will trash it before ever unpacking your bags.
Remember, unlike a dream home, a dream relationship must start with self-love first. A dream home cannot and will not fulfill all of your needs, neither will a man or woman. What you bring to the table matters. If you have nothing to invest, you get nothing back in return.
2. Know What You Can Afford
All relationships, like every beautiful house on the market, are not meant for us. Who wouldn’t want a five-million-dollar seaside mansion full of amenities? But is a seaside mansion in the realm of reality for you?
When we are on the market for a mate, many of us look for superhuman, extraordinary qualities that defy reality, a mate that offers more than what we need to be content and happy. There isn’t anything wrong with setting the bar high. However, we may never find a professional athlete, doctor, lawyer, supermodel or Indian chief.
It is perfectly okay to settle for ordinary, comfortable with a homey feel. In time, with a great deal of love and care invested, you may find that you happened upon a gem worth a million.
3. Get Pre-Approval
When looking to buy a home it’s recommended to first get pre-approved. This means to prequalify for a loan, subject to appraisal and conditions.
I’ve never bought a home or anything with substantial meaning without first having it appraised and approved by someone I love and trust and taking it to the man upstairs. Sometimes, in our zeal to close the deal it takes a second or third eye and spiritual insight to see what we don’t want to see.
Out of fear of losing what we want and simply must have, we make the mistake of avoiding or disregarding a second opinion. Some of us may go as far as keeping the relationship a secret or hiding critical facts about a person.
Don’t make this mistake. Get pre-approved by someone you love and trust before making a lifelong commitment to that special someone you can’t live without. Likely, the “appraiser” will point out a few quirks here and there that ultimately are harmless or repairable.
4. Conduct a Thorough Inspection
A thorough inspection is critical before buying any home. This is your opportunity to uncover structural problems that are invisible to the naked eye, such as a cracked slab.
For a home the slab is the foundation, the basis, the groundwork for which it is built upon. For human beings, it is our make-up, our core values, beliefs, morals, principles, ideals, and the essence of that which we are comprised.
A solid foundation is crucial because it provides stability, longevity and reliability. When we are in the market for a relationship, we must thoroughly inspect a person’s foundation. This means looking beyond what is noticeable and tuning into a person’s constitution. Are they reliable, stable, safe and secure? Or do they have major cracks in their slab?
I’m not one to discount any human being’s value. The truth is, we are all whole and perfect in the eyes of God. But if someone’s foundation is severely defective and the extent of work goes beyond what you are emotionally willing to invest in or cannot live with, this is your chance to pull out of escrow. Even if you lose what you’ve already invested, your future gain will be worth a short-term loss.
5. Be Certain Before Signing on the Dotted Line
Finding a mate is one thing, but finding a dream relationship is where you want to make an emotional investment. Consider the number of times you’ve actually been in love. Sure, you’ve been physically attracted to enough people and have possibly indulged in sexual escapades that weaken your knees. But out of the number of individuals you’ve encountered or shared a bed with, how many would you invest the next thirty years or more of your life in? I would guess two or less, and that’s being lavish.
Every home, like every relationship, is not worth buying into. Some may leave you drained and bankrupt, bleed you dry and wipe you out. Even if you want to move, you missed the market. You are upside down, have little emotional equity to draw from and will never get back as much as you put in.
Before you sign on the dotted line and commit to a relationship that could become your worst nightmare as opposed to your dream, be absolutely certain that you want to buy.
If this blog is too metaphoric to follow, I’ll put it in simpler terms: “Invest your love where it counts!”
Sheryl Mallory-Johnson is an author of Women’s Fiction and a book coach. Her latest novel, “Love & Regrets,” is available on Amazon and other online stores. For more information, you can visit Sheryl at http://www.sherylmallory-johnson.com.
This blog is copyrighted under a Creative Commons Attribution, 2012.
Preach!
Great article!
Love how the writer compares to home buying. Very clever. I’ll share with my daughters.